A comical run of close calls

Posted by Chen

Ever have one of those mornings? Where anything that can go wrong does? Well, Mr. Murphy was ever present with me this morning for my easy 7 mile run. I had been putting this run off all week, so maybe Mr. Murphy and the higher powers that be conspired to teach me a lesson on running procrastination.

Close call #1: It all started when I woke up and noticed that my stomach felt… off (I mentioned way back when that I talk about poop a lot, so if you’re not into reading about that kind of stuff, feel free to move onto Close call #2). And by off, it felt like I could poop my pants at any second. Even after “taking care of business,” if you will, it still felt like my digestive tract still had more business to take care of. Lucky for me, I wouldn’t have to start running just yet, because I had also managed to clog my toilet in the process. Because what are loose bowels without a nice drainage issue?

Any runner knows the stress of having digestive issues right before a run, so after fixing our porcelain throne, I delayed departure for a few more minutes just to make sure I’d be OK. After dilly-dallying for a while, though, I decided I was just wasting time and would just have to hope on a wing and a prayer that my stomach would cooperate. Luckily, that was the end of my poopy adventure, and my run was just fine (from a digestive perspective, anyway).

Note to self: Reevaluate the Chinese place I’ve been ordering from.

Close call #2: I started running when it was still dark out (6:10am), which I realize is a slightly more dangerous time to run, but it’s also a time during which I know there are far fewer cars out in my neighborhood. I often wear a reflective vest when I run in the dark, but I knew the sun would be rising in ~25 minutes, meaning it would start to get light out very soon. So I went against my risk-averse nature and headed out in a not-particularly-bright long sleeve T.

About a quarter-mile into my run, I arrived at a weird K-shaped intersection near our apartment and waited for the pedestrian signal to turn green. It turned; I started running, but at the same time, a driver who clearly wasn’t expecting to see runners out also started barreling towards the same intersection I was crossing. As my body and his car got closer and closer together, I wondered how things would all pan out, but luckily, the driver saw me at the last minute, which I like to think was due to me shooting dagger eyes in his direction.

Note to self: Wear bright gear. Carry bright lights. Dress yourself like a g’damn Christmas tree.

Close call #3: After shaking off my near close encounter with a motorized vehicle, I headed down a long hill towards Golden Gate Park. As I was trying to appreciate being out there doing my favorite sport after a week of not running at all, I came upon what looked to be a delightfully crunchy leaf on the ground. I love stepping on crunchy leaves – it’s something that reminds me of fall, even though I live in a land devoid of seasons.  So I decided that I simply had to step on that crunchy leaf and headed straight towards it.

Just as I was about to step down and listen for that crackling that I love so much, my vision focused and I realized I was about to step on a dead mouse. I yelled out loud and threw my body to the right to avoid squishing down on the little creature, may it rest in peace. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING.

Note to self: Clean your contacts more often. And stop trying to kill crunchy leaves. Crunchy leaves have feelings too.

Close call #4: I finally made it to the park after another half mile or so and was excited to see that renovations on our local Kezar track are finally coming to a close! I’ve been monitoring the construction crew’s progress over the past several months, from digging the whole thing up, to repaving the base, to adding the spongy track layer, to finally painting those crisp white lines and lane numbers.

I started to daydream about how springy a brand new track would feel and brainstormed how and when I would utilize Kezar during my Ironman training, but my daydreams came to an abrupt halt as I found myself rolling to my left side. I asked myself: “HOW MANY TIMES CAN YOU POSSIBLY ROLL YOUR ANKLE???” The answer is: approximately 327. Lucky for me, because I’ve rolled/sprained my ankle so many times in the past, it’s as if my ligaments are now permanently stretched out and things just roll back into place.

Note to self: Zoning out while running can be a good thing, but make sure you keep at least some of your senses intact.

I spent the rest of the run staring with laser focus at the ground and was determined to avoid any further obstacles. Aside from encountering the same dead mouse on the way back (and being equally as surprised the second time around), I managed to make it home in one piece.

And then as I was moving my car out of a “no parking after 7:30am” spot, I almost hit another driver thanks to my windows all being fogged up.

I’m ready for Friday now.